Can you confidently stand on stage and deliver a speech about something
you believe in, in front of an angry crowd of thousands of women who vehemently disagree with everything you have to say? It’s okay if you said, “no.” Not many men can.
Why? Well, if we take out the fear of public speaking it could simply be due to the fear of having an unpopular opinion. It could even be due to the fear of disapproval and rejection, especially by women. It could be due to the fear of being criticized and ostracized by women. Or it could be because of all these things in combination.
So what’s my point? Nice guys, male doormats, and conflict-avoidant men are petrified of being “misunderstood” or disliked, especially by women. They care too much about what people think of them and place their self-worth into the hands of the crowd. And in this case it’s a crowd of women.
It’s absolutely intolerable for a woman to be upset at them, think negatively of them, or to feel utter contempt for them. Men like this will do just about anything to avoid confrontational situations with women just to prevent the intense feelings of discomfort that come with it.
While it is important for men to be mindful of how they are perceived by their honor group (group of male friends, male mentors, etc.), it doesn’t benefit them the same way when it comes to the opposite sex. Becoming indifferent to what a woman might think of you when you act based on
your principles is one of the most powerful attitude shifts you can make
as a man. The benefits to your overall well-being will astound you, as will
the positive effect it has on how you experience a woman’s tests. When you’re not trying to read her mind to see whether or not she’ll approve of
what you have to say, you have greater freedom to act from a place of integrity.
Hyper-analyzing what a woman might think, say, do, or feel if you
behaved a certain way causes intense anxiety. Over time, such anxiety
turns into fear. The kind of fear that causes you to hem, haw, and second
guess every decision you want to make. It’s not a pretty picture to observe a man trapped in a cage of his own making as he hands over the sanctity of his own mind to a woman.
How this Behavior Plays Out ?
This sort of behavior plays out in all the usual ways that people-pleasers
display. Sometimes it’s subtle; other times it’s not so subtle, but it always
shows itself in how a man interacts with a woman. Here’s a short list of
what these behaviors look like:
· Editing your choice of words or pussyfooting with your diction so as not to displease or arouse a woman’s anger in any way.
· Making tentative suggestions to gain her approval instead of making clear statements. For example: “Honey, I’m thinking we should eat Chinese tonight.” This is a suggestion and you’re clearly waiting for her approval.
· Censoring your opinions, behavior, and even your own needs just to keep her happy and unprovoked.
· Thinking excessively about what she’ll think, say, or do if you say or do what you want to do.
· Trying to be perfect to earn the approval of others.
It’s not easy to admit that you’ve become a whipped shell-of-a-man. And it’s even harder to change what could be years of passive, peoplepleasing habits that have now defined your relationships. It is time for a change, a change in your self-beliefs that can redefine your relationships.
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